When it becomes real

salam my dearest

Alhamdulilah alhamdulillah -hati saya tenang dan tenteram walau kadang digamit rasa pilu.I have started working yesterday. Sadness is still hovering around me. Tears still fall while I am driving to and back from work. I can still sense him in my house and for that I am reluctant to be left alone at home - but apart from all these, I am OK :)

I have been busy going through his stuffs since last few days, visiting his relatives to say thank you, settling bank accounts and other related things, registering his death at JPN, and ADUN selangor, visiting and informing his tenants, and so on that 24 hours seemed to run very fast-  I have been busy doing errand that it tired me out and made me fall asleep like a dead log :). Good huh?:)

I think that my dad knew that he was going to go. Just like when he called me15 minutes before his death.
All bank accounts have been closed and consolidated. All documents about houses and land has been clipped and filed at one place. All the small talk about this house goes to me, that house goes to my brother, please monitor my sis/niece education and so on.
He might have felt it since last year because he managed to complete 4 units of shoplots. He told me that the money that he left us will  be gone in no time if we ever forget of who we are (lupa daratan :)), yet the shops that he built (he as the contractor) for me and my brother will generate money for another 10-20 years. Right on the dot, the shops completed, and he was gone. He  told me that whatever he left behind are for his children and grandchildren

I will miss him - the things that he did or the things that he said.
> nobody will reprimand me on bad spending anymore :), you know how we live nowadays spending money like water without thinking sometimes :),
> nobody will ask  me to give body, leg and head massage
> nobody will call me from night market asking, 'what do you want? laksa? mee hoon?',
>noboody will cook in the middle of the night - and forget to turn on the hood - bau belacan  merebak satu rumah, and dapur sepah sepah dengan bawang and cilipadi (he cooked his own dishes once in a few days- sebab dia tak boleh makan lauk we all, tak kena ngan tekak katanya)
>nobody will cook tempoyak goreng udang and gulai jering cili padi for me anymore
>nobody will use mangkuk plastik and periuk belanga "besi" anymore - he brought them from my mum house because he said my house tak ada periuk (maklumlah kita pakai mangkuk kaca and ceramic) and  kekurangan bowls
>nobody will fill my fridge with Tempoyak stock and lots of lots of cili padi
>nobody will have his TV and radio on simultaneously - with volume at full blast
>nobody that I can count on for helping me during emergency anymore
Nobody but him -
>who fetched Dina from school if  we were late,
>who I called for an errand if Mr Hub was not around,
>who I begged to explain to all  when I hit a motorcycle while reversing
Nobody but him

There is no more "him"

Though, sometime..
I want to think that he is still here you know - still alive
And this is just another normal day
I drive his car because he is outstation,
And one of these days,  he will call me to fetch him from a bus station or jetty.

Today is real - live today with love and good thought - 
Love ERMAYUM