I cant see you

I met a friend last Aidil Adha. She has been on 2 months MC since September. She is 30 years old,  has 3 adorable boys and a  loving husband ~ that makes up a happy family. She has all what we have.

But since last raya, her world turn into a total darkness. A blacken day and night. Why? Because one day, she woke up and she was not able to see anything. Not a blurry or unclear sight - but total darkness, she could barely see anything.

I visited her last raya and it was the first time that I faced her face to face and I was glad that she could not see me. I could not hold my tears. And my heart cried. Looking at her 8 months baby and 2 adorable boys, I felt so so many emotion that hard to describe with words. And it was just hard to sit next to her because I did not know what to say. I just hugged her and tell her supaya sabar dengan dugaan Allah. And  my tears fell again when she said "doakan saya ye akak".

Ya Allah, give her all the strength that she needs. Be with her. Make her tough, make her strong for this challenging test. And Maha Suci Allah yang Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang, Yang Maha Penyembuh, sembuhkanlah penglihatan nya. Kembalikan matanya supaya dia  boleh melihat keindahan alam kejadian Mu, supaya dia bole melihat gelak tawa anak anaknya, supaya dia boleh membaca illmu dunia dan akhirat Mu dan mendapat manafat daripadanya. Dan berilah kekuatan dan kemudahan kepada suami, anak anak nya dan keluarganya menghadapi dugaan Mu ini.

How would you take it ye dear?, if one day you wake up, and you are not able to see?. Remember that you are not born blind. You have it for 30 years and suddenly without warning, it is gone. Is it the same just when somebody tells you, on one fine day that you have cancer stage 4 and you are to die in 6 months?. What would we be feeling?  How would you and I take it?

I am so sad. And I felt so pathetic that facing with such a hard time myself, I almost sprawl on all four feeling so powerless, lost and weak when my problems compared to her are beyond measures... and there she is, very strong .Ya, berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul, siapa tahu gelodak jiwa didalam hati yang paling dalam,  but the fact that she is there looking  so composed, and calm and serene,  doing so well facing  the hardest test of her life.

Let appreciate what we have- The eyes that see so many things - let's focus on seeing beautiful things that reminds us of Allah, let's see beautiful faces and beautiful smiles and lets see happiness. Walau dalam dugaan yang bertimpa timpa (seperti saya :)), sedaya upaya kita cuba untuk move on.

I have learnt long ago - all things are not going to stay or to remain- all are under loan from Allah to us. Our father and mother, our son and daugther and all the material things - our houses that one day could go on fire, our expensive watch and ring  that could go missing,  our money which most of  the time we do not know where it goes, and all.

And dont forget that the most one valuable thing that is on loan is ourself. We are not ours.

Remember this- berpijak lah dibumi nyata dengan rasa bersyukur - siapalah kita hanya hambaNya yang kerdil yang diberi segala kesenangan dunia. Bersyukurlah dalam kurang dan dalam lebih.Bersyukurlah dalam gembira dan sedih. Bersyukurlah dalam senang dan susah.

<3 <3 Always ~~ eRmAyUm