A Women Story 1

This is a continuation from the other women and the other women II series-

 I know that she is a good person, a devoted mother, a rational being - knows what right and wrong so well - Anybody who knows her will know that she is beyond what one sees.


She has a hard life -  Once, she was a good wife trapped with an insecure husband who did not trust her, did not take care of her well being and did not treat her right.


She has been an object of man pursuit since then- a few of her pursuers are men with wives and there is one she got her heart entangles to.

So she becomes "the other woman".  She fails to see her wrongs. Befriending with somebody husband is not wrong- Yes, no wrong whatsoever if one is being a casual friend or  a true friend or even a best friend to somebody of a different gender-
if one knows where she and he should stand-if one knows what line to draw.  But if you are the one who is playing hard to get and there is an emotion (of mutual likeness or mutual love ) involved it is very wrong and very dangerous indeed.


As friends we do tried to knock in some sense into her head.  Mind our own business :) yes we should - but what a friend is, if you cannot even tell the truth or make the other friend sees right from wrong- or try to save the other from a heart-ache or heart-broken in the latter days- but of course being friends have its own limit- voicing out ones' opinion is the least that friends can do.

She says and believes in something  but does another thing. Maybe because she cannot lie to her heart. Anything that involves a matter of heart is a complicated matter altogether.

But I bet that she should know where she stands. Accept the fact that the object of love is a somebody's husband. Accept the fact that he is the type of man who will not leave his wife- accept the fact that he cannot make you the offer that you long for - a normal family life-

She is 'the one who has been hurt' should have known better about being hurt-betrayed and stabbed- why she has to do that to another being ?

She is the one who vowed not to destroy one's happinesses but adamantly saying that she only wants this man solely for herself- how could that be possible?

If you cannot compromise of being the second one- then do not cross that line at all- run as fast as one can and entertain him no more.
If you cannot- do it the right way- and please be reminded that there are alot more compromises that you have to take-


So take him partially or leave him totally.

Dont ever compromise on your heart - if you cannot take anything less than what you aim for- run and dissappear. Not worth for you to wait if it is you the one who will get hurt-

Do not hold on something that is easily broken- you will fall and collapse - you will break into pieces- once again.  

Only you can save yourself

PS: This is an auto post 

Walk Out Part II

And there is another friend who recently seeks my advise. A dear sister - walk out of that man while you can. You can do this dear. Do it now.

Her weakness is every women weakness. We surrender to pujuk dan rayu. Most tend to fall for the same jerks (oop sorry) over and over because they are really good - their words are really sweet when they beg for forgiveness and declare undying love. Knees goes weak. Anger disappears and vanish into the thin air :) and in no time they will make up. 

But issues are not settled. Then the  fight will start again and they will  break up again and  make up again. How many times of that cycle you want to go through?

Walk out and run. Be strong. Do not give in. Your are pretty, You are young, you have a good career and you have supportive parents and friends. You can walk out from him now because you have no obligation. Do not be in a relation that has no future. Do not allow him to mislead you. Do not allow him to play with your emotion. Run now while you can.

Yes, I understand your fear. Nobody wants to be alone- To live alone. But do not stay just because you are afraid you cannot find another man. Dear, jodoh dari Allah. Sampai masa sampai lah. Why are you afraid then? (Maybe you would say it is easier for me to say because I am married, yes it is easier said than done).

Live and enjoy your life. Meet new people and befriends all. Love will come one day. Have faith. Trust your heart. 

PS: 
>Easier to walk away if one is unmarried. but then again if it does not work it does not work. why should one stays in unhappy relationship for the sake of children?. Weigh the pro and cons and come to a wiser decision. Again some relationship is worth a second chance but not 3rd, or 4th chances. When the time comes, I believe each women is strong enough to say - enough is enough. We need to be a strong women and independent women at all times.


>After all who knows what will happen tomorrow? Do you know? I dont know and my views towards life is very realistic - I make the best out of today. But I dont know what tomorrow will promise. I need to have control over my life because the one that I have to hold on forever is only myself - sad to say but that is the truth. 

Walk Out Part 1

If you love somebody so much and he or she never treats you right, will you leave him or her?. DO you have that strength to walk out from his or her life ? Will you walk straight and never look back?


To walk out is one thing. To not give in is another thing. Personally, I do not know if I can do that. So I respect those who are able to do so- who is strong enough to leave all behind and start a new. Or to live alone instead of being in a bad or unhappy relationship.


I was talking to my friends the other day and I asked her, "why you walk away from the man whom you love and still love?".


This is her answer,"because there were many unsettled issues - the jealousy, the control, and the money and the list goes on.  Because he always said hurtful and mean things that demoralize me and the utmost of all is because he does not respect me,  we kept falling in/out of love and making up for many times and things never improved. And there was one moment when I told myself that I just could not take it anymore."


"That  very  moment, I turned my back on him. As I walked away, fear rushed over me, my irrational mind was telling me that I wouldl end up as an old lady, I would have no boyfriend and I would remain unmarried". My numb brain asked me to turn back - to stop as he called after me. But I did not stop nor did I turn back. I did not answer his phone calls, and I did not reply his messages. I told myself that I really mean it this time. I will not give him another chance. I will not tolerate his name calling and I will not go back to him. Not now, not later- Not forever."


Today, 6 years later,  this friend of mine is still single and unmarried but she is as happy as ever. She did not have any regrets. She cried and mourned for 3 months. Then she looks back no more. Till today, her boyfriend who was always find faults in her still tries to get her back. Her heart for that man is closed. Forever.


Dear friend, do not worry, when the time comes, you will meet your Mr. Right. He will sweep you off your feet and he will make you happier :) and you will live happily ever after. Fairy tales do come true you know:)

PS: 
Some relationship is worth to be saved, to be given second chance but some others are not worth your life to save. Better save yourself  first.

Mistakes are forgiven. Memories are forgotten but pain and hurt remain forever. They will always be there. Buried deep. But the moment you dig it, you may get hurt again.

One day when you meet a  better person who loves you for what you are, you will forget that you are ever been hurt before. Trust me.  And remember Allah is the greatest - Allah will not try you with such difficulties or sadness unless He knows for sure that you can take it.

I  didn't know that you face such a hard time. Rest assured that I am always here to lend you an ear.

The other women - Part II

I wrote briefly on this before and would like to elaborate more following my entry on "Men oh Men" - I have to be fair to Men (in the universe)  right?  They alone cannot make it happen if a women whom they are after do not want them or allow it to happen...

I may not understand "the other women" fully but I think I can write on them non judgmentally because I am close to 2 of them  and know another one ( "close" is under rated though- sometimes we thought we know this person so well but the truth is- no - we do not know them at all).

Yes,  " the other women "  are lonely women- they are the women who have gone through rough experiences. yes, they want easy life but not all of them are bad or  pompuan gatal/ sl**t- (but my story may not be true on other people )

Take my sister, as a case in point (not related by blood :)), she was this village girl whose husband had cheated on her. she came to KL from rural Sabah with 2 babies knowing nothing of  real life in a big city. I came to know her as she approached my parents looking for  somebody to take care of her two girls for 5 straight days  - only to pick up them during weekend. (then, one is at 1 year old and another is 4 months old)- we took her children in as part of us maybe because my parents thought they want to help them to be a Muslim (she was a "mualaf"- she can easily left Islam as her husband left her ).

She struggled hard with 15 hours job that paid only Rm 600-700 salary. She changed job quite often - but same type of job - cashier or promoter at any small cheap household bazaar.
She got the look  and the body- and many men wants her - she started with somebody husband  who supported her of RM1k a month- to being a second wife of a  successful businessman - living in a fully furnish condo with RM5k allowance- who would not want that?

Being naive me (or stupid)- I never knew about it until she confided in me- that was 5 years back- now her children is 11 and 10 years old -. Her marriage did not last long (that another story about Men Part II :))


Now she is divorced and she is with another man- and she told me that there is no way she could go back to the day of working long hours and little pay and there is no way for her get a decent job with good salary as she is not educated. She said, " even to work at KFC I will need SPM cert"

I throw in  a question of morale- of course once a while - she said she is only the"other" women even if she is (and was) the 2nd wife - she did not hurt anybody - not the 1st wife

-nothing  changes for the 1st wife (as she would never know- ? women got instinct maybe any wife would know but do not want or prefer not to know or afraid to know?)- 

She also said that 1st wife or any wife at all with a husband who loves them (or maybe the husband is just responsible enough to stay ?) is lucky as the men will always be protective of their 1st wife's feelings - nothing changes - weekend, Sunday, every day going back home (except outstation? to work or to other women?)- but she (my sister) is only getting a tiny fraction of a happy life- yes she got money, good/luxury life and a few hours a day of being pampered or feeling loved by a man - but she never gets the real family's life - a real husband who will be with her day and night.

So should we hate or sympathize with her?

"The other women"  will be continued....

Men Oh Men

Why is married men love extra marital affairs? Affair is one thing. Flirtation is another thing. Why married men like to flirt? They say it is nothing, but harmless flirtation. SMS, Chatting, or in person. The shy one will opt for internet chatting and phone sms. The not so shy ones will try his luck bluntly. But when flirtation turns into an affair, who fault is it?

A friend confides in me this morning. It is more an update on how she copes with her life nowadays after the truth strikes her.

She said she does not understand why her husband did what he did..

Dear friend, there are many things that we can’t understand. We cannot understand all things - especially why somebody dear to us hurts us in such a way. We ended up blaming ourselves when no answers are found. Don’t you ever blame yourself… you are the victim.

You are the poor woman called “wife”. It is normal to feel a betrayal. Most will blame the other women. But one hand cannot clasp on its own right? Who started the affair? From harmless flirtation.... From friendship to mutual likeness? To mutual needs? To Mutual Desires? Then to infidelity? …

The man if caught in the act, will be in denials. If proven guilty will start giving excuses and beg for forgiveness. It is so easy for them , don’t you think?

We, woman are stronger than any 10 or 100 men- emotionally I mean. We, maybe do not really know how strong we can be until something bad happens (loss of a child, spouse, parent, fall out of love etc).

What does man think? What do they have on their mind? Bored of whatever they have- the current wife & children?. All has become so routine and life has become so normal? Wives are not up to their expectation? There is no more love (if it ever exists). So what is the solution?.



Flirt and court other women? Life suddenly becomes meaningful again?. Life is brighter, sunnier and happier again?

Have they forgotten life is a big circle/cycle? You ll start and end up the same. Fine, go find new women- fall in love, get married and have children. And at one point of your life , when you start feeling all has become so routine and normal, the time when all life problems piled up , husband and wife are both caught up in the life itself ( sleep, work, children, money etc) .. when there is no more passion, when all seems wrong… will you then again go find other women? Leave whatever that you have today? for the 2nd time?

Don’t get me wrong- I do not encourage anybody to stay in a bad relationship- I don’t forbid anybody to find other love or life if the current life is so suck.

But do it properly- do it in amicably – one at a time- try to find solution, deal with root problems and if all fails – it is OK to decide on a separate path- a separate life - but not on
CHEATING on your wife.



If you man are so immature and childish – please go ahead.

To my dear friend, let your husband do what he wants to do. You are better off without him. It is his lose not yours. Pick up the pieces and start over –

Yes, It is a lonely world without love or without man.

To stay together miserably or to leave him but scared you ‘ll be miserable- not much choice that you have. I would prefer to be miserable- alone- and then get over it and move on. Yes, it is easier said than done.

If you can forgive him, please do so. I believe that each one of us should always get a 2nd chance.

But do you love him enough? - that allow you to forgive him? Forgive is slightly easier to do but it hard to forget. No matter how hard you tried. – it has become part of history and it will always be there . But over time, the wound will heal....


So once you decide , don't be hesitate, and don't ever look back....

The Other Women

I hate it when a person comes in between another 2 persons . It does not matter if the two are in love or in a crisis or in out of love. You should never be that OTHER PERSON. Go find your other potential half at some other places . Go find somebody who has nobody.

How to hate if somebody close to you is that OTHER person? I have a sister who is someone else mistress and I have a friend who has an affair with somebody else husband. I got so wrapped up emotionally because u love them but at the same time I hate them because they do or be what I hate.

The sad thing is they believe they do nothing wrong and has no wrongdoings towards whoever involved.