Once A While

I dreamt of my mum the other day. Day time sleeping :). In the dream, I was actually telling myself that this was a dream so I better waste no time and hugged her. And I did exactly that. (Strangely, I was very much aware that I was in a dream). I woke up feeling relief.


And I had a sleepless night last Friday. Everything that happened feels like only yesterday yet at some other time it feels like it has happened ages ago. So long ago but then Q will only be 3 years next Wednesday. How could it be that long, I wonder. In Q's first year, he had both grandparents. He was a baby and care less about his grandma. During his 2nd year, he was big enough to play and laugh with his granddad. How so many things changes over the course of 3 years?. How things are much about the same now but at the same time different?. 


So a sleepless night it was. All were being replayed all over again on my mind. The last memory comes endlessly with all the tiny miny details. And all the comfortableness that they live behind for me. I wonder if I deserve it. And I wonder if I do enough to repay them. That is for me to keep thinking and doing my very best.


So it was not getting easier, they say. I know that. I thought of a friend who lose a husband. It must be tougher. Yes Mum and Dad is our soul but our husband (if we love them enough) are our life. Our love partner,our friend,our hugs and kisses. Imagining it only enough to send chills down my spine. I could not imagine it to be separated by death. It would be easier if we dont love  them much I guess :)


ps: 
So when I watched NKTM last Sunday. I feel them. Totally :( (sempat lagi tu :)).  


Hearing death or attending death (funeral) of others wont be the same until one's experiencing death of own spouse, parents or children. The latter is very much understated. Very very much. Spouse, parents and children are our anchors - losing them send us a different type of misery but it hits us with the  same magnitude of sadness . Too much too bear. Too much too cope. Yet because Allah is the greatest, we somehow manage. 


So dont wait until death do us part