Children's Guilt

Salam Jumaat, today sharing :)
There is this one email that I read several days ago- menyentuh hati because there is a truth in it

I always know that as a daugther I have not done enough and be kind enough or be expressive enough with my parents.

Of course great relationship takes two to tango. If suddenly we want to hug and cuddle but we are never been treated with such acts, that kind of behavior are definitely foreign to us. It is certainly awkward for us. But on the other hand,  knowing that we have grown into  mature adults who know right from wrong, good from bad, we just have to put aside all those feelings and act more on what we think we want to - behaviours that reflects what our inner heart wants us to do. Put aside our ego. After all, life is too short, dont you think?. Too precious to waste. My guilt and my regrets because I dont hug or kiss my parents that often.

So what I do for that guilt? As what the email was saying :-
We, Children  visit their gaves as often as we can
We, children make sure their grave ditambah dengan batu quality baik dan mahal
We, children hantar hadiah ke masjid,  Quran, Telekung and Sejadah in their names
We, children upah and  hantar sedekah pisang every Friday
We, children buat kenduri doa selamat besar besaran and panggil orang doa for them
And worse if we , children yang banyak duit dan tak ada masa ni,  bayar pak Iman mintak doa and baca Yassin and tahlil tiap Jumaat dan tiap minggu.
And worse lagi, ada rasa sedih tengok nissan mereka berlumut. Rasa nak basuh batu nissan tu masa hari raya- siap nak bawa  berus dan sabun. But apalah gunanya, kalau sepanjang hayat mereka, kita tak pernah mandikan mereka kan (bila mereka sakit, particularly)
Tak perlulah juga, kita usap usap nissan mereka if semasa ayat mereka kita tak pernah nak usap kepala tua mereka kan, tak pernah nak urut mereka tak pernah nak picit mereka.

All these (good deeds) that we do for them partially maybe because of the guilt of not doing enough while they were alive.

Sadly, I feel like I have done some of the above for the same reason as well. And terasa rasa juga dalam hati that I try to pay off some of the debt of not being good enough or kind enough or patience enough with them

So here I am again - insan kerdil yang tidak mempunyai ayah dan ibu lagi, me who have done so much less semasa hayat mereka urge all my readers to take all the opportunity that you all still have - show them how much you love your parents. I suka peluk orang orang tua yang I salam lately - but I know that walau 1000 orang tua sehari pun I peluk and I kiss, they are not my parents. I blew off that much opportunity before. So  just hugs them, if you still have them - You dont need a reason to do so.

Sedih betul dengar lagi Sudirman ni-

Ayah dan ibu

Itulah permulaan kami

Dapatlah melihat bulan dan

Matahari

Ahai...

Yang dikurniakan dari Ilahi

Ahai...

Ayah dan ibu lah

Mesti dihormati

Ayah dan ibu

Wali dan juga keramat

Pada mereka kita beri hormat

Ahai...

Bagilah tunjuk ajar dan

Nasihat

Supaya hidup

Supaya hidup kita akan selamat

 

Ps:

tak payah lah upah upah orang baca doa, kerana yang lebih afdal adalah doa kiriman dari hati anak yang tulus ikhlas. That is enough for them actually. Bacaan yassin dari darah daging sendiri, hadiah pahala bacaan Al Quran dari alunan suara anak anak sendiri. And to spend the rest of our life with your best effort menjadi Hamba Allah yang lebih baik.

Siapa lah kita hanya hamba Allah yang kerdil. We make so many mistakes to ourselves, to our parents and to the people around us. Minta ampun lah hanya pada Allah setiap masa  dan berdoalah moga apa apa yang terkurang kita lakukan semasa hayat mereka telah mereka halalkan pada kita dan berilah mereka sebanyak banyak mana bekalan doa dari hati. Itu sahaja yang termampu- kerana walau air mata darah sekalipun keluar dari mata saya atau walau saya menyesal macam mana sekalipun yang mati tidak akan kembali.

And please kiss and hug our children every night and tell them that we love them so so much, so hopefully they do the same to us even after they all grown up, and dah beranak-pinak and till the day when we are one fragile old women.

Much love
Er Ma Yum