C 15 Yakin Pada Doa 1

Salam

It was my first day entering Masjidil. I went there for maghrib prayer. Hub has told me to wait for him at the door, near the zam zam area after isyak so that he could accompany me to complete my umrah wajib. I was oblivious of my surrounding. First time here after 2 days stuck in a hotel. First day of being inside the mosque after 2 days walking and strolling leisurely around it. I was lost in the beauty of the mosque and the feelings that it gave me. So when hub said, “wait for me at the other side”, I just nodded :).


After prayer, I tried to track back the path where I came from. Hmmm everywhere looked the same to me :). I walked to the zam zam drinking area and sat on the stairs and waited. 30 minutes passed, I started to panic. Was I waiting at the right place?. So I moved to the front. I saw 2 doors- Each was next to the zam zam filling-up/drinking area as well. So I told mum to wait at one of the doors while I waited at the other side. Another 30 minutes passed. I started to get restless. So for the next 30 minutes , I walked back and forth. I believed that I have lost my husband :). 


Do I make doa? Of course I did, non stop but my heart was not in my doa. I was caught up in my own worries. I was acting like a little lost girl where my mind could not make sense. And I could not get myself to calm down. Saya lupa dimana saya berada atau bagaimna mustajabnya tempat ini.  Saya lupa perkara yang membebani saya hanyalah perkara yang sangat sangat kecil dan remeh.  Dalam resah tetapi tidak mahu menunggu lagi I said,  “lets go mum, we go back on our own”. And to make me feeling worse, somebody took my sandal!, on my first day in the mosque!  Ok fine, it did not matter, kaki ayam kaki ayamlah.


I sent my mum to the dining hall so that she could eat dinner. I told her to wait there until I come back. I went to the reception and called my room. Nobody picked up. Sob Sob :(:(. What if he was stil waiting for me in the mosque? I got to go back. So I went back.  


I was worried, I was tired and I was hungry and there were so many insane thoughts on my mind. Again, I walked back and forth a few area. I sat and I stood. I looked around. At other times, I just stared on. My heart started to recite more prayers. This time more earnestly, more desperately. And I was on the verge of crying. How could I lose my self in such a petty matter? How could my mind went overboard. I istifar and instifar and I begged Allah for forgiveness- for my stupidity -for not having enough faith. It was almost 12 am.  It had been more than 3 hours  since Isyak at 740pm. 


Weakly, I decided to go back to the hotel.  I prayed that  hub was at the room (having gave up waiting for me, hopefully). I cried on my way back and I istifar and istifar and saya ulang ulang doa nabi Yunus dan saya ulang ulang lahaulawala.  Please help me Allah, please. Saya berserah diri dengan sepenuh hati. 


I went straight to the dining hall to look for my MIL but she was not there. Great!  not only I  lost my husband, now I was losing my mum as well– Tears fell on my cheek. I was in a mess. I screwed up. Weakly, I went down to the reception and dialed my room, nobody picked up. Confirm. They have disappeared :) (the evil in me kept playing trick and memutarkan yang baik ke bad thought ).


My heart cried. Saya betul betul tiada daya dan upaya. So I told myself that I would just going to accept this and stay at the lobby till dawn, until Hub found me. Until my mum appeared from the air :). I was just going to sit here and pray and make doa and istifar.


Yet, Allah is the most gracious of all, the most loving of all. At that very moment, I looked back and to my utter disbelief, hub was just right there, a man in a halo :), -he was walking towards me. Oh and Thank Allah he was not MAD :) (at least he did not appear like he was mad).


Similarly in life- you do a lot of things to get endless things settled. And Allah tries you with hardship here and there- like tarik tali- Allah hold its end and lepaskan sikit sikit but never letting go- we pray a lot but sometimes it is not answered. As if Dia tarik dan tolak tali itu. Dia duga kita dengan doa kita. Yakinkah kita pada dia? Yakin 1 juta kali? Yakin tanpa reason? Yakin dengan nyawa? Yakin seyakin Nabi Ibrahim yakin akan pertolongan Allah, apabila dibakar oleh kaumnya?But selalunya kita hanya akan cuba yakinkan diri kita sepenuh hati,  bila all fail, when all does not make any sense, when we have no more effort but faith and only FAITH that matters.  And out of nowhere, we would suddenly realize that Allah is so close- so near and has been there all along and all will be OK.


How it relates to me finding my husband? – hmmmmm :)


ps:
>pretty petty incident but I find valuable lesson in it
>solution modern nya - next time have 2 mobiles- get 2 local numbers - tak jumpa calling calling sahaja :)