That Very Night

Saturday was a roller coaster day. One of the worst day in my life.

Mr Hub still could not feel his toe even after 24 hours . Dr Sia suspected that one of his blood veins burst (vein/pembuluh darah putus). He wanted to transfer us  to another hospital because his hospital did not have the machine to do the scanning and the surgeon in the area (if an operation is required). There was no point rectifying torn ligaments (more than one) if the blood itself is not flowing in an orderly manner (very little blood flows to Mr Hub's toe). Then, I still could not understand what he was saying or what was its  impact to Mr Hub's right leg.


So we got transferred and I got the opportunity to ride an ambulance :) , I saw that mr hub lying comfortably on his tempat pengusung. On the hand, I was trying to keep myself from falling off  my seat and luckily, I could refrain myself from vomiting hehe.


Saturday was also a record breaking day in my life as within less than 36 hours I was in 3 different hospitals. 2 hours of sleep, tired mind (from all the imagination running wild)  weak and energy-less body.


In the new hospital, Mr Hub was brought in to the cath lab – a special room that store the special scanning machine . The doctor came out 1 hour later and he confirmed the worst news. Unlike Dr Siah, he was not the customer oriented type of Dr (who comes to you, look in your eyes and explain and answer your query in a nice manner with a soft soothing voice). Dr Leong just stood there and told me, "we want to operate his leg now, sign this  please". Before I could say anything, he resumed that if I waited any longer Mr Hub's right leg will go DEAD - he continued with saying something like "Mr Hub will lose his right leg forever". I went numb, and I stood there still. Trying to absorb this brand new information (about cutting off Mr Hub's leg for once and forever)

The whole world suddenly came to a halt. I was aware that they were moving around , pushing the trolley to the operation room , the two nurses that followed and an admission nurse who called after me to wait at another side. And they were gone – living me in a small, cold and empty room.

And I sat there and broke down. The whole things that I have kept within me, for the past 36 hours came out and I cried and I cried. As it was all dawned on me, I lose my control. All emotion came undone. A 3 hours operation headed by only 1 doctor pakar with 2 nurses. Would he be ok? So many things went on, I just could not know which one to think first.

The unexplainable accident, such a simple falling – simple because there was no scratch, no blood on the surface but the knees came out loose, torn ligaments and burst vein. Multiple internal injury.


How could it happen?  And what will happen tomorrow, how long will Mr Hub be bedridden, how about the other operation, when will it take place, what about his work, what about us, our life and etc and ect all comes whirling around on my mind.


Stop- I told myself - Stop. Get a grip Erma - get a good grip of yourself. I will take this one at a time. I will be OK. We will be OK.


The tears relieved me but I need somebody to tell me things would be ok . I called a dear friend whom to her I have no shame, to show my weaknesses, to whom that I could trust and to whom that I know would go along way to help me all her best (she has indeed done it a few times), a person who will still help me even if she herself has her own personal problem to think of.


She listened as I rambled on what scared me. She told me to pick up myself and be calmed. Take thing one at a time. Live for today. Focus, Concentrate on today - don’t think of the worst. Have faith have faith be strong be strong, I would survive this ordeal. I know all these words - words that I have spoken to other friends - real or maya - there are all my words but I just need them to be uttered to me by somebody else. I was ok after a while. I regained my strength.


Mr Hub came out at 11.30 pm and Dr Leong said he was off the danger zone. He took one of Mr Hub’s blood vein around the thigh area and use it to replace the missing link/path in his other thigh. Blood starts flowing to his toe . So that is ok now. Let concentrate on this first. The blood flows smoothly in all area of his leg.


Mr Ong came picking me up at 12.00am and again I did not know how much thank you is enough for him


And once at home, I felt much better after whispering all my sadness and all my hope to the one and only. The almighty that I know, will NEVER leave me alone. Allah WON'T. I have enough faith in that.


PS:
This is just what I wrote on the day. I am OK today - no worries :) tq again for all your prayers.

And to my dearest friend - she does not know about my blog so she wont be reading but I hope I will be there for you as you have been here for me . May Allah 's blessing always be with you.