bila saat itu

i saw him yesterday morning, terdetik sekilas dihati wanting to hug him for no reason yet i did not. The feeling gone (in a split of second after i feel it) with the wind as i made my way to work.

I cried all alone in the car on the way to hospital today for yang tersirat and yang tersurat. For the things that i know and the things that I do not know.

I sat next to his jenazah at the hospital staring into the wall reciting al fatihah over and over with tears streaming down my face.

I sat at the police station, wiping out my tears now and then, looking at the watch, non stop reciting ya rahman ya  rahman ya rahim ya rahim ya matinn ya matinnn for urusan dipermudahkan, for jenazah selamat ke tempat pesemadian sementara secepat mungkin. For all kesusahan menjadi mudah for all penghalang hilang dari nyata.

I break down sobbing while talkin dibacakan because this is it. This is his end.

I sat tight and stood still - oblivious to the buzzing around me- while relatives busy with kenduri tahlil. I do not take part or be in charge like the last time with my mum

Because today I am just too worn out emotionally, because i was with him before and after, mandi dan kapan.

ps :
My dear semua, if you still have a father/mother hugs them now, hug them tomorow, you dont need a reason to do so. Kiss them today, bath them today, you dont need to wait until they are not breathing to do so.

Mail2blogger.post