Hari Lahir Yang Tiada

My dad would have been 68 years old today- if I were to follow his birth certificate date. He told me once that Apr 15th was a made-up date. His parents did not register him on time then and by the time when they registered him, they could not remember the exact date. I reckon that in the old days calendar was a privilege :)

with dina

Anyway, he is really gone, you know. I said so because
I dont feel him anymore
I dont feel scared to close my eyes
I dont feel scared to sleep with the light off
I dont feel scared being left alone in the kitchen with his room's door opened (not scared because he was there but scared if I somehow able to see him being there :))
I dont  "smell" him anymore or anything that associate with the dead- pandan, flowers, kemenyan etc
I dont imagine him sitting leisurely on the sofa or at the dining table anymore

87 days have passed.

I guess that his soul has flown away - so, so far away and for that is why I could not sense him.


Tanah kubur sudah mendap - so we can fence up his grave at the end of the month, insyaAllah.

with Acha and Q

Yes I do not visit you that often but I thought of you every day and I try my best to bring you a little token of gift dari bacaan ayat ayat Allah dan a little gestures to others on your behalf. I hope it reaches you (and my mum as well).


I hope that your grave are wide and bright enough just so that you can be comfortable in it (silly me?). And I pray hard that both of you (your souls) are at peace. I do believe that you drop by once a while (dengan izin Allah). I imagine that you are around, being with us during those special days, smiling, sitting just next to us though we could not see you, like those portrayed in the movies- silly me again huh?

I see you when I see you, in a dream maybe?  


Love Ermayum


ps: 
I sometime ask Mr Hub, "will you come visiting us after you die? (if ever you die first)" he said, "hmm tak tau lah ada masa ke tak, sibuk berperang dengan bermacam ulat dalam kubur sebab banyak dosa" what an answer, tak romantic langsung heheh. Patutnya dia answer - I will always be around my love - I will come day and night and I am just next to you every time you think of me" :D kan romantic gitu hahah :D. 
Hmm alam ghaib rahsia Allah - May our souls be blessed when our times arrive.

Till later have a great weekend semua :)