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Salam

Am I too late to wish you all a happy new year? :)- yes yes very late huh? lagi lambat dari kak Syidah gorjes. :)

I hope this year will be a calm and beautiful year for me to live my life without any major catastrophe - I have had 3 tough years in a row. It started in 2009 with my mum passing, 2010 with Hub being bedridden for 3 months and 2011 with my dad dying. And of course I have a very tough year last year emotionally with so many personal problems that was better left buried forever.

I know that all life challenges brings you closer to Allah, believe it or not,  because you are loved – you are loved so much – hard to accept but that the truth. Dugaan hidup boleh merapatkan kita pada Allah, boleh juga membuat kita hilang pedoman. Think and act wisely. I have felt the miserable moment where I could not do anything but only pray and cry and zikir- because that and that only kept me going. There is no alternative unless you want to dissapear into the thin air (like sleeping 24 hours afraid to wake up because the moment you wake up, you do nothing but being worried and sad).

Yet I was so thankful for those moments and it really makes me become a thankful person - manusia yang bersyukur pada apa apa sahaja. Kelapangan hari ini sangat indah dari kesempitan semalam. Kelapangan hati dan jiwa adalah lebih berharga dari wang ringgit. Kereta buruk hari ini 100 times better dari tiada kereta :) (patah kaki wei kalau ada satu keta- semua nak tunggu laki:)). Sedikit adalah lebih baik dari tiada. As the day passes by, I start to see why it happened the way it was and all because that is the best for me. It has not ended yet but I am going to stay here stronger than ever.

Most importantly, I appreciate today for it allows me to do ordinary things and being able to be thankful for a simple thing or to appreciate today for nothing at all. I believe that rezeki bukan hanya pada wang ringgit and materials – umur panjang itu rezeki, kesihatan yang baik itu rezeki, kelapangan hati itu rezeki, kelapangan hidup itu rezeki, anak anak itu rezeki, suami itu rezeki and so on. So even every day when I ask for more and more (that translate into more money :))from Ya Razaq, I know that he has given me so much more. Countless – tak terkira. So kalau lambat nak masyuk :) tu sabarlah dan usaha lagi.

At the end of the day being able to be thankful at the smallest of thing is the most beautiful of all. Syukur itu nikmat , syukur itu indah, syukur itu manis. It makes us appreciate what we have (though at the same time we do want so much more :), biasalah manusia kan.:)

I close the year with personal reward/s as well – something that I have been wanting forever but never manage to get it for myself – Alhamdulillah – finally – I ll be wearing it for the next 10 years, I hope. And recently, I reward myself again with something that I should not be buying but since the bargain is so good (it was bought by my sister's friend in France after discount :) ), I just got to give in :) and I think I just have to justify it with me doing OK (not well yet :)) with SD2- so that is an advance rewards- Bear in mind that my last expensive bag was back in year 2008.

Here is me sharing my excitement (the kind of feeling when you want the whole world to know hehe, walaupun bukan lah grand sangat kan) but bottom line is -  deep down, I know that all these all are nothing as compared to kebahagian yang hakiki- iaitu keikhlasan hati dan kesedaran bahawa saya hanya hamba Allah yang kerdil dan penuh dosa. Materials itu only pure dust :), materials itu hanya menggembirakan hati apabila hati itu memang gembira but it means nothing bila hati berdepan dengan kesedihan. Spiritual itu juga yang terlebih baik , yang perlu sentiasa diperkuatkan..

Till later - (yet still nak tanya "comel tak beg I?" hiks :D:))