Love all

Salam - here is what I wrote after some time my mum passed away. And today I feel the same feeling again - a realization of my father is no more here - he is not here not because he is at his house or he is outstation or he is away on holiday. He is just not HERE anymore - not in this world not on this earth. That fact brings tears to my eyes.

Please love our love ones, please

You dont know if you ever have tomorrow

life is so 'fragile'

i thought i would attend business conference instead of majlis pengebumian

i thought i would attend company dinner instead of kenduri tahlil

i thought that I would be having family day gathering instead of losing one of my family members

i thought my dad would still be here this week 

i thought that and this

but all changes in one very second 

how powerless we are of not knowing what will happen next, 

how small and kerdil we are 

Ermayum 

24/1/11

I have been writing about my dear mum for a week - It is not about writing or posting in this blog but it is more about letting go of what I feel - so that somehow I feel relief -


Many friends call during my sad days - they are saying, " I am here if you want to talk" - I know you are "here" friends but I just cannot talk about what I feel - I am not good and I am not comfortable talking about my grief - I don't know how to start - and some more the sadness comes when I am alone


I want to tell all - I want to urge all -  Please love your mother - just LOVE  them and SHOW that you love them - just give in - in whatever they have to say or do -


Because they being here - here as "ALIVE" is very much different from they are not here , not here as "DEAD" - it is unexplainable weird feeling that cannot be described - a terrible loss that is so painful - it makes your heart ache - believe me no matter how bad your relationship with your mother - you would still feel the pain - and if you are very close to her - the pain is definitely felt much more - and it is unbearable - every time you think of her -



If your mother is somewhere out there not being with you - you would feel so normal as you know that she is there somewhere - but if your mother is already dead and she is not there - you got this painful feeling that she is REALLY not there - not in this world- nothing that you do could ever bring her back ...  


And it applies to all - all our loved ones - we really have to love them unconditionally - our father , siblings, husband and children  and those special people in our life - we thought there is always tomorrow - but sometimes there is no tomorrow-


Enjoy life as if you will live forever - love all the loved ones as if you (or they) will die tomorrow  -




Ermayum 
8/10/09