What To Fear?

My fear has subsided. The truth is I don't know what I fear - May be it is not fear after all -

I cannot be in my mother's room- ( her bedroom in my family house or in my house )- I cannot sit on her bed - There is nothing to fear actually- she is gone - she is gone for good-

What is this feeling then? - I try to define it - it is a restless emotion of do not want to be there where she used to be - of  do not want to be alone in her room or in her house - because  when I am alone I can see her - I can smell her - but if I really can see or smell or sense her - don't you think that is good? it is good to be near her- why am I restless then?

I figured that my father has the same feeling like me- he has hard time staying in the empty house (when my brother is not around) - last night he appeared at my doorstep with his blanket and backpack - I was surprised to find out that he want to sleep in my house -

I know him - no other place is more comfortable and where he wants to be rather than his own room -during fasting month, he came every day to break fast with me and then go back to his house straight after "iftar" - Then, he went back to the empty house as well - (my mother stayed with me during fasting month) - At that time, he did not feel anything wrong - all was normal - weird huh? ( I mean human feelings are weird and funny and unexplainable) 

He told me he cannot be at home as he just cannot be alone - he can see or hear my mum - he can sense that she is around - knowing by heart that she is no more in this world is a painful realization -

And when we are alone - we (me or my father) cannot do anything but think of  her- people said  you need to let go- you need to move on - it is not good to think of the dead at all times- there are times when we should think of them but not at all time when we are supposed to continue living our daily life.

I think it is only a matter of time- we need time to accept reality - we need time to adjust to the fact that my mum is no more with us.