If only I knew -
If only I did not take her for granted - all her requests, all her words - not that I ignore her but I did not do it fast enough - not with the needed urgency - if she said she wanted to eat bubur lambuk I will take my sweet time to look for it tomorrow or the next day - if she called for me - I did not go to her soon enough - I will just tell her from a far - ye kejab bu.
If only I knew - I will treat her very much better and all
It was a funny feeling- when her presence in my house has been so used to me that sometime I forgot to really go and talk to her when she was there- Morning - she was still sleeping when I wanted to go to work ( she normally had hard time to sleep at night and only fell asleep at 6 a.m - afternoon when I got back from work I would only checked with my maid - has she eaten her food- her medication - has her wound be cleaned - and then I will just drop by her room for a while and asked her - is every thing ok bu?- then she would tell me she had headache or she will ask me to buy fruits or kuih -
During Ramadan - there are a few times she made an effort to sit with us in the dining table to break fast with us- Not that she was fasting but she said she wanted to eat with us- the funny thing is she was only watching us eating and barely ate her own food.
Most of other time she was there lying on her bed sleeping-quietly - she was there - though her presence was not really felt-
And it gets so weird when she was no more there in her room and I am imagining she was still there sleeping quietly still- and then to realize that I am only imagining and she is INDEED no more there- she is not in that room- she is not sleeping- she is JUST NOT THERE- she is no more there.
Maha Suci Allah- She is really gone -
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