For the memories

More than 1 month has passed  since my dad passed away. I have still thought of him. He came to my dream again last week (the 3rd time). He came to my house and entered his room. I asked him, why are you here? you are already dead, :).


I dont take all these dreams seriously so far, because I know dari segi keadaan mimpi itu sendiri, it is just my longing, cuma mainan tidur, and mainan hati. They are all very vague and jumpy. I do hope that one of these days, I would be dreaming of my dad (and my mum as well) in a proper way, those dreams that feel so real and clear, and of course when they come in a good way, when they come smiling in white and haruman wangi semerbak. 


How I wish I dream that kind of dream just to make me feel calm and glad so that somehow maybe I would know that they are OK at the other side (as if the dreams itself conveying me a message). But that kind of dreams are very expensive to get. No price tag to it. No matter how much money I have, I wont be able to buy that kind of dream. 


These days, I drive his car. I put on his Police sunglassess :). He has this cute little radio with pen drive stuck to it. I bring it to my office so that I can listen to it. He used to bring this radio everywhere he went- when he was on a short trip, while working on his shops or while gardening. I used to help him transferring his favorite songs to the pen drive. His songs - mainly consists of hetty kos endang, broery, rafeah buang, dangdut :) and seangkatan dengannya. I have deleted most of them though because they are not to my liking :). 


All these things remind me of him. When I drive his car, a pang of sadness hit me. When I look at his favorite radio, I feel tears fall in my heart.  Tears that cannot be seen but felt to the centre of my deepest heart. I hope I can "cling" to those forever because he used them once so somehow touching all those "things" like touching the touch that he left behind. Similarly once a while, I put on my mum necklace or ring just to feel that "touch" - as if their left over touch (saki baki of them) are still around. Hmm so sad is it?, pathetic also I think :(, when you didnt touch them enough while they were alive and now you are so longing for their touch/ for you to touch them.
  
My brother takes his other car, his watch and his rings. And he uses them for the same reasons, I think, for the memories. 


We have distributed some of his clothes/shirts to his siblings and close friends. I am told that it is not good to keep the deceased things forever and ever, until they turn old and dusty in cupboard. Keep a few for the memories. Use some others and distribute/give away the rest.  


Apabila seseorang meninggal dunia terputuslah hubungannya dengan dunia dan segala isinya kecuali 1) amal jariah  2) doa anak yang soleh and 3) apa ye (sudah tidak ingat:), mood malas nak google). So if we keep his things, tidak mendatangkan apa apa kebaikan kepadanya yet if we use it and we know that his ihsan that we live in with, hopefully the good things that it brings us will also memberi balik sedikit kebaikan kepada yang empunya. Barang si mati yang disedekahkan kepada orang contohnya, hopefully menambahkan amal kebaikannya (orang yang telah meninggal dunia). Kerana sedekah untuk simati berterusan dan masih boleh diteruskan oleh anak anak. So I hope that I will not forget to do more and more of sedekah jariah (dalam kuantiti termampu) from my parents and hopefully kebaikan sedekah yang diniatkan atas nama mereka, sampai balik kepada mereka. InsyaAllah

Again, if you still have parents, kiss and hugs them often. This feelings are unbearably sad that you dont want to have at all :(. Dont be like me.

Wallahualam


I use some for the memory- I use some because I got to use them or else what they are for. But I always know that those are his and I must always say a prayer for him every time  I use them as I should say Thank You if he was still alive. Ermayum

ps: maya said  no 3 is ilmu - yes ilmu yang dimanafaatkan :d- thanks dear